dasbif one-shot ground rules

dasbif one-shot ground rules.

I will refer to my own personal Rule Zero for DND:

> Rule Zero:
>
> All players must play characters who have some kind of in-character reason for both A) being with the party and B) being on the current quest, adventure, and/or campaign. Feel free to play an edgy loner; paranoid hermit; kleptomaniac thief; or ten-pages-of-backstory-guy. However, all players have an obligation to do it in a way that is fun at the table for the rest of the party, too. Discuss this with the group as needed!
>
> All players at the table should be having fun, and if someone is not, that is the only way you can play DND incorrectly.

Some rules and notifications:

• The game will be theater of the mind, no battlemaps/minis/tokens.  If you are confused, ask me to re-explain the scenario.  Short-term rewinds are allowed if you misunderstood something important, and it is my fault!
• If you are getting bored and fidgety and want to move on to another scene (such as if one person is scouting ahead alone for too long), pop up and mention it.  There is a fastforward button (called "exposition") to the narrative if this happens.
• Your character name cannot be something stupid.  I don't enjoy playing what I refer to as 'Bobo The Clown DND'.
• I am the DM.  Please don't roll a check or a save unless I ask you to roll it or it is patently obvious that you need to roll.  Feel free to debate a ruling I make if you have the source at hand, but don't take excessive time to do so.  Look it up while I continue with another player's turn, and point it out to me when it gets back to your turn.  Rule of Cool may override the books.
• If you are new to DND, joining last-minute, and/or cannot build a character in 5e in Roll20 in 30 minutes or less, you can pick one from the premade ones on this list.  https://dnd.wizards.com/articles/features/character_sheets
• Natural 1's and Natural 20's on any rolls will be autofails/autosuccesses at my discretion.  Sometimes I still need to know your total modified roll, other times good/bad things will happen to the narrative.
• variant human is banned because it is overpowered
• the lucky feat is banned because it is boring
• multiclassing is banned without approval because this is a one-shot and it gives me a headache
• Drow are banned because this is a one-shot and they are a monster race
• Evil characters are banned because this is a one-shot, (unless this is an Evil Session)
• PHB only.  No Unearthed Arcana, DMsguild, SCAG/EE content, etc. and don't even think about asking for a few other homebrew websites that shall not be named.
• No, you may not have a pet _____.  You may not have a permanent pet, mount, animal companion, familiar, hireling, or any other non-spell class feature with its own brain / game statistics without clearing it with me ahead of time.  I call them "PC-NPCs", and I have a personal bias against them, they are rarely fun for me when I DM.  No offense.  But all players at the table should be having fun, and people forget that the DM is a player at the table, too!
• DM inspiration = 1d6 bardic inspiration that you announce you are using BEFORE you roll a D20 for something.  Lasts until used.
• Intimidate and Persuasion are the same skill during character creation, unless you are taking expertise in one or the other.  If you take proficiency in one, you get it in the other as well.  (Chris Perkins suggested this, I figured I would try it out!)
• A reminder that Darkvision is only 60' (the distance from the Pitcher's Mound to Home Plate on a baseball diamond).  If you are standing on the pitcher's mound, you cannot see the backstop at all, and to read the numbers on the batter's uniform will require a perception check with disadvantage.  Darkvision is dim light, black-and-white, and everything is lightly obscured.  This is not even homebrew; this is Rules As Written (PHB page 183-185).  Bring a light source.
• If you are being a dick; If you have other tabs open and are constantly reading or typing; If you spend unreasonable amounts of time whispering me or the other players; If you are playing with your phone; or if you are otherwise unreasonably distracted by other things within your own control, you may be asked to leave. 
• Please close all unnecessary and unrelated extra tabs and turn off your phone, as if you are at the theatre with someone you really want to impress.